coming out about your sexuality

[phlyRy]

i know met isn't centered around sexuality themes, but i guess that's what i'm all about. anyhow, i'm essentially out to everyone (with discretion, aka people who i feel won't be bigots about it). with one major exception, my family (for the most part). and it seems like there are a handful of people who aren't out to their family, which could cause problems. and i just wanted a place to share problems, concerns, experiences...

i'll start off with the most recent event. namely, my mother nagged me over my spring break while i was home. she was basically cheering me on at getting a boyfriend. i was putting a damper, and it irritated me even more when she compared me to one of my best friends who now have a boyfriend (it used to be that she seemed like she didn't want to really get one). of course, it begged the question i didn't prepare for, "don't you like guys?" i don't know if she meant it the way i took it, but i didn't respond. and i know every bit of me wanted to come out. at some other point before my spring break ended, she did ask me if i was happy. if she wanted me to be happy, unconditionally, then maybe...she would understand that being gay was the only way i would be....and accept it. *sigh* i'm done now.

[skye_eiden]

well I guess thats how parents really are. The parents in my country actually will shoot you if you try to get a boyfriend in high school (i got lucky) =.=; They give the same long lecture about how you go for a guy who lives in the rich places and that they should be chinese, and that you get a boyfriend only AFTER college. Parents are really like that- insisting to know what is best. I'm sure they mean well.. :) but yeah.. it doesnt mean ur mom is right. I guess it's not only her who needs to accept that you need your privacy.. sometimes you also need to accept that her way of 'caring' is through nagging you and trying to be a part of ur life.

[kokochiyoi]

I think it has to be so difficult to say it to your parents, it also depends where you live and how your parents are. I've always told my parents about my boyfriends and If I was interested in someone, I have a good relationship with my parents but obviously there are things that I can't image getting them out of my mouth and tell them even tho I have a good relationship with my parents.

Be strong misao I mustn't be a comfortable situation for you. *HUGS*

[Kyreii]

LOL, my dad is super strict... and I'm a guy. Damn, when some girls invite me for a party, I have this lame ass excue "Sorry, strict ang parents ko... (Sorry, my parents are strict)"

Damn, that sucks... but still, at leats my mom is okay. I mean, my dad won't even let me stay on the phone with girls... @.@

[kokochiyoi]

LOL, my dad is super strict... and I'm a guy. Damn, when some girls invite me for a party, I have this lame ass excue "Sorry, strict ang parents ko... (Sorry, my parents are strict)"

Damn, that sucks... but still, at leats my mom is okay. I mean, my dad won't even let me stay on the phone with girls... @.@

Oh the phone!??? what could happen on the phone!?!?!?!?! I'm curious.

[Jackal]

wow, that is strict

[rin]

It's true that most parents are only doing what they feel is best for you. I don't know if I can relate to misao about being gay, because I'm straight, but I can relate to you in the sense that keeping something that is really important to you from your parents is hard and it hurts. I was with a guy for a year and a half that my parents didn't want me to see, but eventually they found out. At first it seemed like the end of the world, but then it got better. They really do only want what's best for you. I am not with that guy anymore, but the situation helped me to realize that keeping a secret from my parents was so exhausting that ultimately I couldn't keep it a secret any longer. I think you should consider telling them at some point in the future, though.

[phlyRy]

lol. i've actually...haven't been telling my parents anything...i let leak that i got a job. i let leak that i HAVE a job....but even these take a while before i spill. maybe it's cuz i don't have any morals.

[Kyreii]

Nah, everybody has a set of morals, no matter how twisted those morals may turn out to be... Look at me. I mean, evrything has to appear to be bound by rules... it's one of the basic rules of self-deception. And I mean, pretending we have boundaries is just a way of consoling ourselves when e fail at something.

Sorry, rant.

[ACXchan]

Misao, I thought you were bi? Did you fall clear off the fence XD?

Neither of my parents nag me about getting a boyfriend because they tend to concentrate on my older sibling and the issues that surround her relationship, basically interracial dating. Being bisexual though makes things pretty easy on me because I do like men. I haven't been into girls lately because I haven't met any potentially romantic *women* that I would like so for the time being I come off as straight. I'd never tell my parents though, too embarassing to talk to them about sex, much less sexuality ^ ^;;

[phlyRy]

um...for the most part, i'm not really bi. i guess i do feel attracted to guys, but it comes rather rare when i get attracted, and i might consider dating a guy, but either i have issues or what not, the idea of sex with a guy (i'm trying not to be explicit here...) in terms of coitus disturbs me, and i don't enjoy touching, looking, etc at that package. i guess i should address another point, i'm what u might call transgendered, because i have this non-negotiable somewhat illogical desire to be a guy...since i was a little kid. and i think a little bit of that comes out in terms of how it might threaten my "manliness" by having my masculine side have a homosexual moment. i mean, seriously i have enough issues as it is.

(yay go me i just came out about my transgendered-ness??)

[kokochiyoi]

Misao: Well no matter if you are bi/straight(sp?) you like guys or gurls, I think you are a nice person and I clap you for having the guts to tell us about your sexuality :) *hugs*

[phlyRy]

thanks... =)

[alysren]

How hard can it be to say, "Look, Mum, I don't like guys."

It's not like you're alone, 95% of the female population has felt THAT way at least once in their life! Guys are lumpy, hairy, and ugly. Girls are much prettier and smarter. I'm sure your mom will understand if you phrase it right. If she doesn't, well, you're a grown woman (er you are right?) and she really has no right to give you partners at her discretion.

[shinotenshi]

Poor Deary *huggles Misao* Well all I can say is I understand how you feel (althou me being straight, makes this hard to explain) my friend whom I call Yuki is Bi and didn't tell anyone for the longest of times, the guy she was with took it pretty hard when he found out she was into girls...so all I can say is just explain it sooner then later, don't want to hurt anyone by accident you know, and You're a very strong person when it came to tell anyof us your sexuality, *whistles* Brave Heart ^.^

Eh, myself is the complecated part (not really) Meh am very much into guys but, some don't hold my attention very long (but someone's been able to keep my attention very much *giggles*) My parents are very strict when it comes to dating and if I'm lucky I can keep it a secret for a very long time...well until my mother goes spy and figures crap out (blah, dumb woman) its kind of hard to have a relationship where you keep it locked up and you can't share the joys of it so just for the hell of it and to scare the shyte outta my mum I say I'm Lez XD she tweaks and keeps her nose outta my biz for a long time before she comes back and decides to call me a tramp (or some other nasty ass word she luvs to call me)

[kokochiyoi]

I feel like I never had to keep in secret being with a guy....well im single right now...so no secrets

[shinotenshi]

Hm, I see...meh am happy for you, do tell us when you catch someone :foxy: meh wanna hear stoires!

[~lofo~]

oh *reflects* only bad experience with telling those kind of stuff to parents, or worse, not telling them, i.e. keeping them secret. after about a half a year they found out i was together with this guy (that i ended up being with for two years) and weren't happy with it at all. i've never been able to talk about sex, sexuality and for a long time love with either of my parents, and god knows not my dad! *freak* although the issue of love has gotten better to discuss, i would never tell my mom if i fell in love with someone or ask help, and sure as hell not with sex issues. baaad experience there. and quite frankly, it's to embarassing to talk about it with them, because they never really liked talking about it with me! go figure.

[licey]

[sigh] The thing with our parents is that they "always want the best for us", except sometimes, their idea of "best" could be different from ours. I'm straight, personally, but I have my share of problems with my parents in the area. For example, my mom is PARANOID about me getting pregnant. And even though I assure her it'll never happen, she still refuses to trust me and is constantly nagging me about what I do at even the random dinner parties SHE takes me to. They worry so much, and they might try to be supportive, but they're still their own person and still might have drastically different thoughts than we do. I've thought, once, about what would happen if I was a lesbian and I decided to tell my Mom. Then I realized I really didn't know how my Mom would reply...

I'm ranting on now, but hmm, your Mom might already know or have had thoughts about your being gay. Of course, most parents are going to *hope* that their kid is straight, so they might not show that they know. I saw a program on TV a while ago about kids coming out to their families. The odd thing was, even though they were all nervous and crap, their parents were barely disturbed when they heard the confession. In fact, most of them saw it coming on all along, but didn't say anything because they didn't want to make assumptions and wanted their kids to figure things out themselves. Then again, I don't know you or your Mom, so the situation might be different. But I think most parents, after the initial period of shock, will eventually accept their child as he or she is. And that's my random little piece of advice for today that no one has to listen to ^^;

[kokochiyoi]

My parents are way much more paranoid about drugs than actually sex...or sexuality I must confess.

[Kyreii]

Drugs ay?

Anyways, I think I need one of those anti-depressant things... i always get bout sof depression... ANYWAY, off topic. Sorry, just wanted to rant for a bit...

[licey]

Hmm, my parents are that way too. But that might be because I tend to act pretty high ^^;

[fernie]

My parents seem not to pay much attention on my personal life much. Well, they did told me that they still find it difficult to accept homosexuality in the family. And that's the most difficult stuff for me, you know, because I spent the whole six years in an all girls' school and I don't seem to like flirting with guys much. Girls will be my priority to choose as friends, although I still consider myself 'straight', anyway. This is partially because all my siblings are girls. It helps to explain why I sometimes feel quite uncomfortable with male acquaitances. My family seem easy about me being 'single' at the moment, but I know it won't last that long. Someday soon someone will initiate the topic of marriage and proper husband. Gosh, that'll be definitely a hell for me.

[ACXchan]

I want to debunk the same-sex schol = likely to become homosexual myth XD! I spent six years in an all girls school and ironically it made me come to not prefer girls. In 7th grade I liked girls, by 12th grade I despised girls x__x; I still find women hot enough to sleep with but I don't think I could last in a relationship with a girl, they're too high maintenance. Bring on the men! The mature ones anyway... maybe it's just an age thing >_<;;

[kokochiyoi]

Hmm, my parents are that way too. But that might be because I tend to act pretty high ^^;

lol I AM high most of the time lol!!!!

[Ash]

i told my dad i was bi and he said "no you're not" ._.; does that count?

i dont dare tell my mom her head will explode :D

[Kinael]

Bring on the men! The mature ones anyway... maybe it's just an age thing >_<;;

You mean we mature? This is news to me.

*plays with spork*

[shinotenshi]

i told my dad i was bi and he said "no you're not" ._.; does that count?

i dont dare tell my mom her head will explode :D


lmao, your dad is farked...'no you're not." well ok...XD

your mum sounds like mine...she's really tweaked... B\

[Minerva]

i went to an all-girls school too, but i'm still straight!

[kokochiyoi]

i told my dad i was bi and he said "no you're not" ._.; does that count?

i dont dare tell my mom her head will explode :D

lol! it counts, you told him if he does not believe it that's not your problem! :evilgrin:

[phlyRy]

uh.... interesting "war stories." i don't like it when people ask "why are you gay?" just because a person goes to an all girls school or an all boys school does NOT make you gay. i know i have had a traumatizing experience, which might contribute to my being gay instead of bi. but nothing ever stopped me from liking girls...nothing ever STARTED my liking girls. i just did. all signs pointed to it. the more i think about it, the more i notice all of the signs that undeniably states my sexuality and sexual orientation. girls were always the fascinating creatures that i could not truly relate to, i could only relate to them as people, which only adds to the affection. =p i find it particularly annoying when people try to explain in a social way how someone BECOMES gay, i mean...it almost insinuates that there could be a CURE, like it's some kind of disease. it's bad enough i already think that i'm "sick" and have mental illnesses. does anyone know how emotionally degrading this can be??

sorry. i'll stop now.

[ACXchan]

::sporks Kinael:: That's why I said *the mature ones* XD I know Rady agrees it's an age thing @D@;;

I was fortunate to never have had a traumatizing experience, I just believe a person's body doesn't make any difference as to whether you love them or not. That's why I'm such a big fan of androgyny, I love it when a male can be a woman and a female can be a man. I do have a "preference" for traditional masculinity over traditional femininity though @D@ No emasculated pretty uke boys for me XD I also thought Switch was 10xs hotter than Trinity.

[kokochiyoi]

nobody has to give explanations about why you like girls or boys, or both, you just like them, if you are straight (sp?) nobody asks you why you like them.
World has to change their mind so bad...

[Kinael]

::sporks Kinael:: That's why I said *the mature ones* XD I know Rady agrees it's an age thing @D@;;

So when would be the threshold? I consider myself still fairly childish and I'm 21 already <_<

[ACXchan]

......... @D@;;;;;;

Ahem... generally men 27-50 you're talking to the person who thinks Anthony Hopkins is h0tt XD He's like... almost 70. Then there's David Bowie, mmm David.... Rady's the one who likes the most 40 year olds though. Rady don't kill me!!!

It's an unrealistic joke, chill XD

[phlyRy]

i don't know if anthony hopkins is hot...but hannibal is definitely appealing in some sick twisted way.

[Kyreii]

@.@ Guys mature??? I agree wholeheartedly with Kinael... I'll never mature... (I think.. :p)

[shinotenshi]

lies! I knew a guy who was actually mature...but then he met my friends and we corupted him..now he acts worse then myself..(not really)

[Omnimodus]

...I would just tell people I was dating another guy, if I started dating another guy. I doubt my parents explicitly think of me as heterosexual, so I don't see why they would want to think of me explicitly as homosexual, either. Sometimes my mom drops little hints about "grandchildren" (as in I should create some for her) but in this day and age gay men can effectively be fathers as well.

An ex-girlfriend once told me she was bisexual and it seemed very difficult for her to do this...she "explained" for about an hour before it became obvious. This was about 9 months after we had stopped going out.

I just thought it was kind of weird. "Why tell me?"

My attitude toward all sexuality is if it happens, it happens. But then, since homosexuality is still sort of taboo, I can understand why homo-/bisexuals would want explicit acknowledgment/acceptance of who they are.

[Rady]

!!!! Ahem, I'll be calm. Return to original topic for a second, telling parents anything of the sort isn't gonna be accepted, even if my parents seem somewhat modern, traditional superstitions and taboos still remain. Some asians tend to be verrrry stubborn about letting those go I figured, I can't speak for other people though. Once I told my dad that I had friends who weren't straight, and instantly he told me it was none of my business. As long as he didn't pick up on what I was hinting at.... ^_^;;;;

As from an all-girl school for 6 years, that did nothing but harm to me @_@ I despise a certain population of girls (you know, young), was kinda traumatizing facing how masses of girls act when there's no prospective male around, ugh. Doesn't make boys any better though, so maybe I'm pessimistic when I say, I dislike both boys and girls. Of course, that also means I like a certain percentage of both though @D@;; As ACX mentioned, maturity is what reeeeally matters here. Maturity doesn't always come with age, but the possibility is higher. Age also does wonders to the human body too. Heehee.......

Now to insert a happy personal opinion. :D Timothy Dalton I obsess. He be at a beeeeautiful 58 year old. ^____^

[phlyRy]

i don't suppose anyone else here has serious gender identity issues...
because i've thought about it a lot...and the truth is: once i can get past the tension of my gender (and what would not be right for the gender i identify) and get past the who plugs what hole (sex) (which apparently has SOME to do with my gender) and feel accepted, then as long as the person is nice...i am attracted to him OR her. so my gender issues dominate my sexual preference....even if i was meant to be bisexual.

i went to a drag show recently (first time) and the thoughts going thru my mind made me realize that i could see myself getting involved with gay guys. and as a guy...i don't know. BUT i still have to be the "dominant one in intercourse" (okay...i'm sure that was too much information)

[Kyreii]

Way too much misao, but enlightening nonetheless... :)

So, in your opinion, does there always have to be a dominant partner in a relationship, or does that only apply to homosexual relationships?

(Merely asking your opinion, hope this doesn't offend anyone.)

[ACXchan]

I don't know about *dominance* but I know I like the idea of being the penetrator, whether I'm a guy with another guy, a girl with a guy, or a girl with a girl. That's why I love my seme shirt, it's lonely at the top XD Reversal is possible but in any given relationship (for me anyway) the other person needs to accept that giving and receiving has to occur on both ends, no pun intended. Variety is the spice of life after all.

I'm always amused over how straight guys are afraid of being penetrated, even by their own girlfriends XD

[Rady]

That's just a control/power issue, of course everybody would want to be in control of the situation and what they do, I mean, who'd wanna be thrown into a situation where they don't know if they'll be in pain or not? I don't see a gender issue here at all.

[add] Yes, I'd like to hear a guy actually voice why they fear penetration. Have speculated but... would like confirmation. :D

[Scarlett Fire]

I'm always amused over how straight guys are afraid of being penetrated, even by their own girlfriends XD

they must be worried about the connotation that if they enjoy ass... er, penetration, they would question their sexuality. (which they usually do not want to think about) it's like, "better to avoid it than rethink my sexual orientation." =0 xD; i feel so silly talking about that. i guess i'm much more of a priss than i realize.

ooh, i had a question, but i seemed to have slipped from my mind once again. later later.

[Kyreii]

There are actually some people who ENJOY being dominated. @.@ They don't want to stay in control because they don't want to be responsible. This does not apply to sex I think... :)

But in my question, I wasn't asking about sex. :p I was talking about the relationship between people. I guess I should've phrased the question better...

[Nightshade]

they must be worried about the connotation that if they enjoy ass... er, penetration, they would question their sexuality. (which they usually do not want to think about) it's like, "better to avoid it than rethink my sexual orientation." =0 xD; i feel so silly talking about that. i guess i'm much more of a priss than i realize.


I must say that I have absolutely no questions about my sexuality, but I am curious about it and offered it to my girlfriend (At the time, now fiancee), upon which she eagerly took me up on the offer. We have yet to try it, But, I'll keep ya' posted if anyone wants to know.

[Kokoro]

umm...question...how does a girl penetrate a guy? i mean, what are they supposed to penetrate him with?

[Nightshade]

Think about it...What could a girl use when she's all by her lonesome?

[Phedre]

HAHA...interesting topic
well as for myself (since i assume we are not just talking about guys) ;) i am always interested in both sexes...although i do not believe that i will ever get into a serious relationship with another girl...don't know why, just...yeah ~shrug~
but there definitely are some pluses to having a guy ~wink~ lmao and that probably has something to do with me not goin after girls
one thing though, they definitely are easier to read...~shakes fist at men~

[phlyRy]

hm...this thread..being that i started it has gotten a little mature in subject.
i don't know if you would feel it legit to consider my opinions about being penetrated as one that is from a straight guy. but for those who are curious about transgendered people (particularly a transman) and how they feel about penetration. i can say that it varies a lot in general. for myself particularly, i don't like thinking about it. it seems to me that if penetration could feel pleasurable, i would be more inclined to accept it. on the other hand, penetration for me seems intrinsically compromising. i mean u can't see what is going on. and willing to compromise things is not a very masculine thing to do, unless ur doing something like pain-threshold for example.

okay. i'm done. i've ranted way to much.

[Omnimodus]

Kyreii: So, in your opinion, does there always have to be a dominant partner in a relationship, or does that only apply to homosexual relationships?

You didn't ask my opinion, but I think this is always true, but the same partner does not always have to be dominant. And since we end up doing manyu things essentially at the same time, it's difficult to say about someone in a relationship whether their behavior is, even at one point in time, purely dominant or subordinate. Nonetheless, dominance, penetration, whatever, is an intrinsic part of relationships and not just romantic or sexual ones. Therefore I would also say that sexual tastes as far as being dominant, submissive, penetrator or vice versa reflect less on orientation than just on personality--imagining that at least part of "orientation" is genetic or "imprinted" (such that it's not really a negotiable part of who a person is).

[Haiyaku]

I don't particularly identify with any specific gender. Biologically speaking, I'm definatly female, though I don't particularly feel like it. Of course, I feel even less like I'm male, so I'm kind of just... there. As for sexuality, I'm technically bisexual (even though I've done very little with guys), but I say I'm a lesbian. I'm attracted to males as an idea, but I've never actually been attracted to any male (not counting certain actors, musicians, etc.) in particular. As for girls, I'm the opposite. I'm constantly attracted to random females, but as an idea, I don't find anything wonderfully attractive about women. As for dominance, etc... If with a female, I'm almost always dominant in the relationship but whatever I feel like at the moment (though it usually ends up as submissive) when it comes to anything dealing with sex. As for males, I'm not yet sure, though I find the idea of being NOT being dominant in this situation a bit... gross.

So, anyway, coming out. No one in my family knows, though I don't particularly hide it. I just... don't talk about it. My mother, I'm fairly sure, suspects, but doesn't really want to bring it up. My cousin, I think, knows. As for school and friends, I'm pretty much the same way. I won't talk about doing things with girls, but I do flirt horrible because it flusters people, and I do talk about who I find attractive. Outside of people that I have actually told, I've only been called on it by a very small amount of people.

[Gen XXX]

Oh the phone!??? what could happen on the phone!?!?!?!?! I'm curious.

Oh, plenty could happen on the phone.

[phlyRy]

[QUOTE=Haiyaku]As for sexuality, I'm technically bisexual (even though I've done very little with guys), but I say I'm a lesbian. I'm attracted to males as an idea, but I've never actually been attracted to any male (not counting certain actors, musicians, etc.) in particular.[QUOTE]

hey...I almost feel the same exact way. just a personal note about that. Though, I do suspect that physically I could be attracted to well-built guys...in the sense that I definitely stare...and stare. Oddly yet I would be intimidated from touching...and girls...well...I have to resist.

[MaD_HaTtEr]

well, from my point of view, my parents wouldnt make a big fuss about it (what could they say?! "Stick only with the girls!"?!).
Techincally... and pratically I'm bisexual, but my parents dont need to know about it, at least yet. THere has been no situation where it was of critical importance for me to tell them, so, as they say, what the eyes cant see the heart cant feel. They dont know, they're happy, I do what I want with who I want and I'm happy! :P
Of course I'd like to be able to talk to them about some of that stuff, but on the other hand, they wouldnt have a very valid opinion since they have never been in my shoes. All they could do is speculate, and I can do that on my own! xD

Hope my opinion was of some help! :P

[edit]- As for that anal penetration thingy (I just had to say something about it! xD) men dont need to do any of that to be gay or have some kind of sexual engagement with guys, so... theoricaly... It doesnt make anyone gay! :p More and more guys do it with girls and it's a fact that it has a pleasurable efect in males, since it reacts with errm... peasure organs! lloll sex is sex, a way for people to connect in an intimate way and "have fun". People shouldnt take that stuff so seriously! :p

[Haiyaku]

I sort of have a "don't ask, don't tell" type of policy for myself. I'm not going to go up to someone and say "Hi I'm a lesbian!!!!!" but, were someone to ask (and it wasn't someone carrying a gun), I'd probably just tell the truth.

[Laavabepp]

well... its nobody's business ... its if u like it or not type thing... i mean your old enuf to make the decision .. there shouldnt be 'way' u need to act to be this gender either ... =p

[Oxygen]

If it was a normal day and I'm seated with my female friends. We would all unanimously agree that we gravitate more towards women. Ten out ten times when I'm on a train, I'd be glancing at women. There has always been word that women make better lovers, maybe when thrown to a corner, one might try it. Above all, being with a man or a woman, I do think you just have to be happy. Only if you can look pass the preconceived notions.